For two long months I have been waiting for the chance to humiliate the Eddie the Eagle of the mascot world, Rocky the Raccoon, in his own backyard.

Rocky is the pathetic excuse for a mascot for the Portland Rockies…and for you simpletons reading this, Eddie the Eagle is the infamous English Olympic ski jumping legend/buffoon.

On Wednesday night I had that chance. The King reappeared in sports in the Puddle City, Portland Oregon.

I had big money on a rain-out and was shocked when the game actually began on time. When the time came for the King to address the crowd my team already had a healthy lead…which we held for the duration of the game.

I would love to be the very first to tell you that everyone in the Kingdom went home smiling that night. However, in the game with-in the game the most innovative act in sports was bested by that idiotic raccoon.

First of all, what a raccoon has to do with the Portland Rockies, I may never know. Secondly, just who coached that idiot is a bigger mystery. I suspect that Jack Cain (Rockies owner) played that behind the scenes role and I am looking into it. Being outsmarted by would-be road kill is out of the question, but being blindsided by one of baseball’s most respected owners is not.

The King was a loser on this fateful night, but add the Rockies and Rockies fans on my royal short list of people who the King likes the least.

And Jack Cain, you may how outsmarted me with your valorous effort this time, but it’s never happened twice.

–The King